What Anxiety and Depression Looks Like in My Eyes

What Anxiety and Depression Looks Like in My Eyes

"Army of Anxiety"

(Pen and Ink)

"Connected to Death"

(Pen and Ink)

"My Despair"

(Pen and Ink)

"Hope Rising from Despair"

(Pen and Ink)

My story isn't very pleasant but it's real and it's mine. Having a father abandon me when I was three years old and being raised by a single mother and an older sister, I've always felt very alone. I didn't have friends at school. I felt like an outcast. Being bullied at school started when I was 12. The first time I self-harmed I was 14. At 15 I was sexually abused. During these experiences I engaged in risky, self-destructive behavior. I was formally diagnosed with severe anxiety and depression in 2016, but I feel that I have had severe anxiety since I was 12 years old because so much of what seemed a “normal” part of my life since I was a little girl - stomach issues before school most mornings, excessive body sweats, body shakes, hyperventilating, tightness in the chest, dizziness - are signs and symptoms of severe anxiety. I still experience them, along with bouts of severe depression and suicide ideation. Years have passed and I have now got a great psychologist and general practitioner that support me. I've been recently diagnosed with Borderline Personality disorder (BPD) so I am on a journey to managing my condition with therapy and better medication. I still have bad days more than the good ones, but I know I have support and I'm not alone. I believe the worst thing about having a mental illness is the loneliness you feel and the guilt, and that is what eats away at your soul. At the end of the day it is only you and you only that has to grab the shovel and dig yourself out of that pit that you fell in so long ago. There is always someone that will listen and want to help you. I never believed that until only recently and I am already on my way to coping a lot better and being able to handle what the world throws at me. I hope by sharing a little bit about my story I can try and break the stigma of mental health so fewer people like myself live in fear of being judged by society, and can live happier lives by being strong together as a community supporting each other!
Annonymous
Artist

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