"Goodbye to the Okay"
I am not okay.
And in my silence,
there are so many unspoken words
running through my head.
So many feelings and pains
and thoughts and slashes of colour
that I don’t know how to translate.
Like I’m feeling in a foreign language.
How do I tell my loved ones
that I’m worried I might die today,
when all my mind is doing is spinning
loops around the noose and tightening my last breath?
When all I can think of is black, red, and ocean blue,
suffocating in the feeling of claustrophobic panic
that ebbs into nothingness and then roars back
like it’s a wave that forgot to say goodbye to the shore.
About the Author
Freida Kilmari is a published poet from southwest England who writes mostly about mental health struggles, but she has, more recently, delved into feminism as well. She lives with her husband and loves to bake, watch anime, read sappy romance novels, and write in her favourite local spots.
Freida Kilmari is the author of ‘Dear Anxiety’ and ‘Man VS Happiness’. But she’s also been published by Advaitum Speaks Literary (2017), The Poetry Society (2012), Writers Assembled (2018), Erin Croker’s ‘Rejected’ anthology (2020), and The Red Penguin Collection (2021). Freida Kilmari is hoping to debut two new collections soon: ‘Note to Self’ and ‘Relapse in Requiem’. Both of which you can look out for by joining her Facebook group: Kilmari’s Keep.